Healing is a Revolutionary Act - Addressing the Rise of Fascism

Kyriarchy

[00:00:00] Ramshackle Glory:

Dhalia never showed me nothing but kindness. She would say I know how sad you get. And some days I still get that way. But it gets better, it gets better, it gets better. Sweetie, it gets better, I promise you. And she'd tell me, she'd tell me, she'd tell me. Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist. Keep on lovin keep on fightin And hold on, and hold on.

Hold on for your life.

,

[00:00:56] Hecate: Hi there, I'm Hecate, and this is Finding OK, a healing [00:01:00] podcast for survivors of sexual assault and any and all abuse. When survivors share, we share strength. You are not alone. Today's episode is going to be a long overdue podcast update, and I'm also here today because I feel deeply called to speak.

So today we're going to get into it and talk about kyriarchy, intersectionality, and what all of that has to do with healing as a survivor. Trigger and content warnings for this episode include the following. Suicide, depression, PTSD, the subject of sexual assault and abuse, fascism, and genocide. Please check in with yourself and make sure you're all right to continue.

If you enjoy the podcast, please consider supporting my work by [00:02:00] becoming a Patreon member. Tiers start as low as $1 a month and membership at any level changes my life. Tier 3 and 4 patrons gain early access to Finding OK episodes, as well as a new supplemental patron podcast called Finding More. Tier 4 patrons get access to video episodes of both Finding OK and Finding More.

So you could be watching this right now. Click the link in the episode notes to learn more about membership benefits. Finding OK is funded entirely by the generosity of patrons and listeners like you. Thank you.

So, I'd like to start with the mentally ill pachyderm in the room. It's been over a year since my last episode, and you'll only know why if you follow me on Instagram or Twitch. I've been struggling through a mental health crisis paired with autistic burnout, and I had [00:03:00] to drop everything and take a very sudden step back from podcast work, and also quit my modeling job.

And it's been really rough, but incredibly important, and I want to thank everyone for their support, their patience, encouragement, and kindness. It's meant everything to me during an incredibly dark time. And that said, seeing this episode pop up in notifications, you might be thinking, I'm back. I am almost back.

New episodes will be resuming in July of this year, and patrons are getting that sweet, sweet early access I mentioned. This is a step towards my return, and I am working hard on things in the background. But there is a mountain of work to be done to make this next season happen, and I am still fighting the good fight with my electric brain meats,

but I need to speak. 

I just want to [00:04:00] address that January has been a hell of a year, and, uh, there's some stuff that I don't usually explicitly address, and we're gonna get into it today, so we're gonna talk about some stuff. And it might be some stuff that when I broach the subject, you might want to back way, way off.

But I really hope you'll stay. I really do. Because I have a tendency to be able to address some really hard stuff in a way that is helpful for folks. And so, I just want to address that things are really scary right now. They've been scary for a while. They're going to keep on being real scary.

Um, but it's something that we have to do together. And I'm really grateful for the community that I have been so blessed to be able to form. And I consider you a part of that [00:05:00] community. And community is really essential right now. It's, uh, it's what's going to be a game changer for all of us. So I want to invite you on in here, and we're going to talk about some stuff.

And where I actually want to start is we're going to zoom way out for a minute, and we're going to talk about intersectionality. If you've visited my website, you may have noticed that word in the description of this podcast. I don't bring it up explicitly very often.

And maybe it's a new one for you. "Intersectionality" w as coined as a term in a social analytical framework by Kimberle Williams Crenshaw in 1989. She's an American civil rights advocate and a scholar of critical race theory specializing in race and gender. And I want to acknowledge that most of the knowledge and concepts that I will be talking about today are credited to members of the BIPOC community, meaning Black, Indigenous, People of Color.

And I'm going to give them [00:06:00] proper credit by name whenever possible, not only because it's right, but also so you can find their work and learn more. I'm going to give you my simplified understanding of intersectionality, which I learned about in terms of intersectional feminism.

Intersectionality acknowledges the overlapping systems of power and oppression that affect all of our lives. Understanding the way these systems of oppression intersect in our lives is critical. And I'll give you an example in case that's confusing. Because I know, I know it seems like I started a college lecture, and just please, please hang in there, stay with me, grab my hand, come with me.

Some systems of power and oppression are things like white supremacy, patriarchy, cis heteronormativity, ableism, colonialism, and capitalism. Those are some of the main ones, and it's mainly the circumstances of our birth [00:07:00] dictating whether those systems place us in positions of privilege or oppression.

[00:07:06] Hecate: You can have privilege in one area and be at a complete disadvantage in another. To be a man under patriarchy gives you privilege. To be a black man under white supremacy means you face oppression. A black man has the privilege of being a man and faces the oppression of white supremacy. A black woman is oppressed under both of these systems of power.

A black trans woman faces even more oppression under cis heteronormativity.

Talking about these things can be hard for folks, especially white folks. I got some hate mail after the murder of George Floyd, when I started ending shows by saying "Black Lives Matter". And by the way, every time you sent me hate mail for that, I made a donation to Black Lives [00:08:00] Matter in your honor.

So go kick rocks. And one hate letter I remember in particular, was a young man, who said that he loved the episode he listened to,

but it upset him when I said that black lives matter because it made him feel like he didn't matter. Black lives mattering doesn't mean yours matters less. If black lives mattering means you do actually lose something, I think you'd better take a strong look at what you got, because it's fucked up.

Black Lives Mattering is the bare fucking minimum. If it's challenging for you, then it means you've got a lot of personal work to do dismantling your relationship to white supremacy and racism. And that's okay. As long as you do that work. Getting back to privilege. One of the challenges folks face [00:09:00] is hearing that they have privilege.

White folks can have a hard time facing that they have privilege under white supremacy. A common refrain is that they don't have privilege because their lives are hard in another area. How can you say I have privilege when I grew up poor?

Intersectionality is where we find that clarity. You had white privilege and faced socioeconomic hardship and oppression. Having privilege in one area doesn't mean your life hasn't been hard. White privilege doesn't mean your life hasn't been hard, it just means your life hasn't been more difficult or more dangerous because you were white.

Intersectionality makes room for complexity and creates language that helps us acknowledge and understand these great forces at work [00:10:00] in our lives. When you wish to dismantle something, you have to know how it works. And intersectionality helps us make that map.

[00:10:10] Hecate: Why does this matter? Because my liberation is bound up in yours. My healing is bound up in yours. None of us are free until all of us are free. I can't truly talk about healing from sexual assault or healing from abuse without talking about the systems of oppression that caused that harm and which seek to continuously wound. 

Making this podcast and talking about healing after rape without talking about patriarchy would feel like talking about adjusting to your new prosthetic limb and ignoring the guy with the machete loose in the house.

[00:10:55] Hecate: It's not just a matter of the people who have traumatized us. It's about the [00:11:00] systems that enabled and empowered them to do so. It's about the cycles of wounding that we're all caught up in and it's about who's benefiting, who's profiting off of our subjugation, our pain, our participation, our ignorance, our complacency, our distraction.

We can't not talk about that.

Another term I'd like to share with you is one I wish more people knew.

If you're listening to this and thinking, Wow, Hecate, I'd sure like to dismantle the white supremacist colonial capitalist ableist cisheteronormative patriarchy with you, but it's such a mouthful! It sure is, but there's a word for these intersecting systems of oppression, and that word is "Kyriarchy". The term kyriarchy was coined by Elisabeth, I'm going to get this wrong, I'm sorry, Elisabeth! Elisabeth [00:12:00] Schussler? Schussler Fiorenza in 1992

and this is a word which encompasses all the various intersecting systems of oppression and hierarchical domination and subjugation. So all that jazz that we just talked about in terms of all these forces of intersectionality, all these systems of oppression, all that jazz. Hierarchical domination and subjugation.

Systems of oppression. All of it's covered. 

These things are usually internalized as well as institutionalized. That's the insidious power of them.

All of these intersecting systems are built into the world around us and have been encoded into our thoughts and behavior over centuries. Many of us don't even question it. It takes work to learn to see it. That work is [00:13:00] ultimately a part of healing. Because healing isn't something that happens in a vacuum.

If your trauma is fresh or you're in a place where this is way too much, I get it and I respect that. And if you've just been assaulted and you're finding this podcast and listening to this episode thinking, I can barely get out of bed. This is too big for me. I can't handle this. I absolutely get it and please, please take care of yourself.

There are stages in trauma and healing, and it's important to know that they are not linear. 

Sometimes, especially in the beginning, your focus will shrink, and it's because you're trying to survive, and that means you have to focus on yourself and your pain. And things beyond that are incredibly difficult. You just don't have the ability to handle it. [00:14:00] To folks who aren't trauma informed, this can be seen as selfish, and getting that judgment from either others or ourselves is extremely painful and unhelpful.

If someone is bleeding profusely, we don't call them selfish for focusing on stopping the bleeding. 

There will be times When your focus will narrow as you try to heal. There will also be a stage when hopefully things will open up and that focus will expand.

And sometimes that will happen organically because you're just ready. And sometimes it will happen by necessity, when your survival demands that you pay closer attention to the big picture. 

I think some folks get confused or turned off as listeners when they feel like I'm getting too political because [00:15:00] they want their healing to happen in an apolitical bubble. But I want to introduce you to a feminist phrase, " the personal is political". This is often used to discuss reproductive rights, but it encompasses everything.

Deeply personal aspects of our lived experiences and our identities are politicized, whether we like it or not. Everything from our sexualities, the color of our skin, our gender expression, our medical conditions and choices, and yes, the violence done to us. Acknowledging the personal as political

is a part of reclaiming our autonomy. Because if we don't engage with it, I think it becomes an extension of our trauma, something done to us while we do our best to pretend it isn't [00:16:00] happening. Everything about me is politicized, whether I like it or not. And accepting the personal as political, was actually a huge step for me in my healing.

Politics and policy affect our personal and daily lives. Politicians decided I have fewer human rights now than I did when I was born. I care about that, and I think you should too.

A couple weeks ago, Oh my god, I think it was just last week. Yeah, January's been a hell of a year. Um, just last week, my government

said that I don't exist. It said that trans people, non binary people, intersex people, they don't exist. They're not real. If you didn't know, I'm non binary. My pronouns are they [00:17:00] them. I exist.

And the fact that I had to say that was ridiculous. It continues to be ridiculous. The fact that members of my community can't renew their passports, or leave the country, or travel freely -

That's terrifying

So When I was younger, one of my partners was sexually abusive, and I was sexually assaulted multiple times. And then, after that occurred, my rapist pretended that I didn't exist.

So the president of my country, who is a rapist, who has massive power over my life,

got to declare and decide that I don't exist. Do you see how that affects my healing? It's [00:18:00] directly tied. Everything is linked. Not just for me, for you too. Everything is so deeply interconnected, and it always has been. We can't just separate everything. The personal is political. Political things aren't, they're not just this little, this little bubble.

It's not just elections, or red versus blue. I know that I have listeners outside of the USA, but I also know that most of my listeners are in the USA. And I also know that people outside of the USA are giving us some bombastic side eye, rightfully so, because I will say, watching the rise of fascism is, uh, I mean, horrific.

It's all connected. It's all connected.

For some folks, It might feel too big picture,

but there's no way for me to not talk about [00:19:00] this stuff. It feels disingenuous,

I just don't know how to talk about healing without talking about being human and about human rights.

And I can't make a podcast

that ignores all of these interconnected factors of cyclical wounding and state endorsed violence and dehumanization. 

It's state abuse. We're so many of us are being abused by our countries, and I can't tell you to heal from abuse that was done by a person and then ignore that greater overarching system of violence that's in our lives and affecting us all daily. And I think [00:20:00] when we do try to separate it, or segment it off.

I think that's when we start to feel, pardon the use of the term, I think that's when we start to feel really crazy. Because we ask ourselves- like this comes up in therapy, all the time. This is something that I know, I'm not a medical professional, I don't have a degree in psychology, but I know that in psych fields and in certain therapist practices that, you know, there is this push to begin to further acknowledge systemic oppression.

Because there are so many people who are in therapy who are not having that addressed, because the education of therapists, it wasn't including systemic oppression or, or really training folks to really acknowledge the mental impact that that has on all of us. And if it's [00:21:00] not addressed and people don't have the awareness or the language of the fact that they are experiencing systemic oppression.

Then you're left just thinking that you are mentally ill, broken, that there's something wrong with you, like, wow, why am I, why am I so depressed? Like I should be happy. And looking at the fact that if you are experiencing like, multiple levels of systemic oppression in your life. That maybe it's normal to feel upset or depressed, even seriously depressed.

That maybe that is an appropriate response to, I mean, for example, state violence, that it's unreasonable to expect someone to be consistently happy and [00:22:00] carefree when they are struggling so deeply.

And there's a great push in

psych circles to get better at addressing that for patients. And I will include links in episode notes, if people are interested in learning more about that. We have to talk about this stuff. I can't, I can't in good conscience separate it completely. If you're looking for a podcast that's about healing from this stuff that's just focused on self care and telling you that you should take more bubble baths and do more yoga and meditate, those podcasts exist and they could be very helpful for you.

All of those things are great and you should totally try them. Like maybe, you know, like they'll probably help you out a lot. And it's a yes, and. There's gotta be more. Absolutely, take a bubble bath. But [00:23:00] we also need to talk about fascism.

We have to. We also have to talk about genocide. We have to.

And it sucks,

but healing sucks. And this is something that we are all a part of.

And that's why we talk about it.

Because certainly for me, healing is about regaining and reclaiming not just my autonomy, but my humanity. Because the violence that was done to me, the abuse that I went through, was dehumanizing. It was de-humanizing. And when I heal, I reclaim my humanity. And a part of that has to be not just reclaiming, but also choosing what kind of human I want to be. 

We're shaped by the events in our [00:24:00] lives, in sometimes devastating ways.

We can't change our past,

but we do have a level of authorship in our own lives.

You get to choose the kind of person you're going to be.

When I was really going through it, growing up,

and really, really all through, what I didn't even realize was abuse at the time, child abuse, at the time, there was this, just this saying or this phrase that I would really lean on that gave me really great comfort and kept me on the planet for many, many years. Decades even, because it just, it worked and it just kept working and, and it was what I had and I just hung on to it and it was, it became a little bit of a net where it was, you know, if I found myself falling, I'd reach out and that would be something that might slow my descent or remind me of where I was in the dark.

And that [00:25:00] phrase was, you know, it's, you know, keep, keep in mind I was very young. But it was,

" everything's gonna be okay in the end. And if it isn't okay, it's not the end".

And I think it was around last year, probably around the time that I started having a serious mental health crisis and severe autistic burnout. And then we all witnessed a genocide live streamed.

And it was around that time that that phrase stopped working for me entirely.

And I believe it was, and I'll link them below, I believe it was on Black Liturgy's page on Instagram. But it was, I think I'm paraphrasing, but um, The new one that works for me is, "We are here for such a [00:26:00] short time.

We might as well be brave".

And that's what works for me now. And so I wanted to offer that to you as well. Because things are really, really hard right now. And they've been really, really hard for a while. And I know I dropped off the face of the planet. Um, and every time I tried to record an episode to just let you know where I was.

I just couldn't do it. Um. I just couldn't do it. 

There's an artist that I follow on Instagram named devthepineapple, that's their handle, and there's this piece that they shared the other day, and it was, "finding solid footing on shaky ground", and I kind of translated that to, keeping your balance on shaky [00:27:00] ground, and that really resonates right now.

 Because that's what it feels like I'm doing every day when I wake up in this world. And I know that I'm not alone in that. And it's feeling really extra unstable right now. It's been so difficult these past years, and everyone's in a different place with this journey, but for me it was just these progressive, unravelings, of Illusions basically being stripped from my eyes is, is what I'm talking about, you know, and so for, for me last year, it was, wow, I thought we collectively agreed that genocide was bad, but I guess not.

And, over my whole life, like, wow, I thought we collectively agreed that rape was [00:28:00] bad, but I guess not. And, uh, wow, I thought that we collectively agreed that fascism was bad, and that Nazis were bad. There was a whole war about it, but I guess not. And just this progressive unraveling until you're just holding something in your hands and saying, what is this?

I don't even, I don't even recognize what this is and like, what, what world do I live in? It's not the one I thought I lived in and,

and it might not be the world that you want to live in, but it's the one we've got. And it's the only one we've got. And that journey for so many of us, as disillusioning and as painful as it is, it leaves us, all of a sudden, living in the same world that so many people have been [00:29:00] seeing very clearly for their whole lives and are like, "wow, thanks so much for joining us".

 And we all have variations of that experience where someone arrives at the table and you're like, wow, we've been waiting for you, uh, to be ready. And we're at a point where we all need, we all desperately need to wake up and show up. And it's hard to say this here because I know that everyone who listens to this has been hurt so deeply.

And what I'm asking of you, like this is, this is a call. If you were waiting for a call, this is the call. I am calling you.

I am calling you. And the way that you answer [00:30:00] that call depends entirely on who you are because each and every one of you has different gifts. You have strengths that you've been programmed to not even see as strengths or contributions, like you have so many gifts and resources that you have been programmed to see as not valuable. Your kindness is valuable. Your ability to cook is valuable.

Your ability to do art is valuable. If you can articulate things particularly well, that's valuable. I have a friend who's been a guest here, Sage. She has an incredible strength in just creating community. That's so valuable. You have so many gifts, and so many strengths, and so many ways that you can contribute, and that you can help.

And, I [00:31:00] want you to remember that, and I want you to see yourself, and how deeply you are needed. Not in the sense that I want to scare you, um, you know, or make you, feel like someone's trying to take from you because that's not what I mean. I mean that I am reaching out my hand to you as a member of collective community and that you can reach back and that this is a moment where we all take each other's hands and we form community and we work together towards

something that isn't fascism. Um, we need to work together to, to change this. We need to heal together.

There are resources that I'm going to be sharing. In episode notes, and I want everyone to check those because it's so easy to feel powerless. It's so easy to feel small, and that's because that's how they've always wanted you to view yourself.

You've been [00:32:00] taught that you're powerless and you're not. And you've had experiences with powerlessness. And that's not everything that you are. You don't exist only in those moments of trauma. You are so much bigger than that. You are so much more than that.

Being on this planet and being a human being is excruciating. And it's also so beautiful. And the pain is in you and it's also in the world. And the medicine is in you and it is also in the world.

And that's the thing, we need to heal ourselves, we need to heal each other, and that's how we heal the world. Because it's all the same thing. It's all connected.

And I know that sounds

pretty woo woo. But I can put [00:33:00] it another way too, and that's, fuck apathy, and kindness is punk as fuck.

And so what I'm asking of you is to reject apathy, reject complacency, and to embrace the fact that this is incredibly terrifying and painful, and that there is this deep grief that feels like it is just all encompassing and just swallowing you whole. As I've been creating this episode, I keep thinking, oh, I should mention this, this art piece that I saw, or this quote that I saw, or so and so said this, and so and so said that.

That's how it works. There are these little bright spots, or these little signposts from other people in the world, because you're not doing this alone. You're not doing this alone. You're not [00:34:00] alone. And you look for things that give you guidance. You look for things that shine a little bit of light into the darkness and give you a hint of which direction we need to be moving.

 And you search for little bright spots that help you keep moving. You know, like a really wonderful meal where you can sense the love that was put into the food that was cooked. Or, I was just, I was just watching birds. I, I love feeding birds, and, um. Was watching all of them and was just thinking, wow, like, they're so beautiful and I know all their names, you know, all the names of the species that I'm looking at.

Um, but those are the names that we gave them and I'll never know the names that they gave each other. Um, and just that, that little bit of whimsy, um, you know, or a show or a character that brings you joy or moves you, anything [00:35:00] that moves you. Find those bright spots. Find things that keep you here and keep you connected.

And not just connected to each other, but connected to yourself. Those are essential. And share them with each other. Something I always remember when I'm doing this, when I'm sitting here and I'm sitting in my studio and I'm talking at my microphone and it feels like I'm talking, because I'm alone here. And I'm talking to a microphone but I'm also trying so hard to reach through it to reach you in what I know is probably a feeling of great aloneness.

And to just always want to reach through and be there with you. For you to know,

I'm here. I'm here. [00:36:00] And so are you. And I'm not going anywhere, okay? And I don't want you to either. And sometimes,

there's just something that helps you stay. And I know that this is a time when you might really need that. And I remember my first, kind of my first experiences with it were actually in middle school where there were just people that I saw. And it took years for me to even get up the courage to talk to them.

But just people that I would see every day that were brave enough to be themselves in a way that I was reaching for or needing. And when they showed up authentically as themselves, it gave me the courage to do the same. And also gave me the courage to [00:37:00] stay on the planet. I'm talking about just other kids, that I saw at school and, you know, and it turns out later they were neurodivergent Queers, uh, just, you know, like it turned out that I was, you know, and I recognized something in them, and seeing someone show up and, you know, it gives you

the wider option of humanity where it's like, I didn't, I didn't know I could be that. I didn't know I was that. I didn't, you know, like that option. And those people were so important to me, even before I ever talked to them. And without them existing, and being visible I probably wouldn't be on this planet.

And I've gotten letters over my time of doing this podcast that say similar things to me. And I got, emails or texts over the years from people [00:38:00] in high school that said the same thing to me. And I, I want you to know that that's That's something that we all do for each other, and so much of the time, we never even know

that by being who we are, that we might be helping keep someone on the planet. 

And so, as hard and as scary as things are I just want you to know that I'm here and

I also want you to know before episodes come back in July that I'm still here. And you can actually, and it's gonna sound like a weird capitalistic pitch, but it's actually, it's not. So just hear me out. I live stream on Twitch. And I started doing co working streams on Mondays and Tuesdays. And if you don't know what that [00:39:00] is, that's okay.

A lot of people don't. It's also called body doubling, which is very popular within like ADHD circles. And it helps a lot of neurodivergent folks, find energy and motivation and complete tasks when other people are there working as well. It helps you find that energy and that focus and, and accountability. 

And it's also really good for community. And so basically, I'm there on livestream, there's a shared task list, I have a cozy environment set up, and it is just me moving through my day. And you can see what I'm working on, I share what I'm working on, and I invite other people to share what they're working on.

And everyone just kind of moves through their day together. And sometimes the tasks are work related tasks, and sometimes there are folks who show up and the items that they're listing [00:40:00] on their to do list are get out of bed, eat something, make tea, take a nap, go to therapy. Literally making it through your day, but having that community and that feeling of togetherness as you are making your way through it. And that helps me and it helps a lot of people. And it's also really just a beautiful, it's a beautiful experience. Um, and I've been really enjoying doing that. So you can find me there Mondays and Tuesdays. And I just want to let you know

because a lot of people have sent me messages over the years, letting me know that my voice is soothing and reassuring, that my presence, uh, that my words are reassuring and helpful. And so I want to let you know that even before those next episodes drop You know, because we're gonna get into it. I'm gonna be interviewing people.

I'm gonna be [00:41:00] talking to people. I'm gonna be doing solo episodes and talking about some stuff. And it's not all gonna be this big, you know, this, this episode is like a little disjointed and talking about some really heavy big picture stuff, and I know that It's all over the place. Uh, and it just kind of honestly see it as a reflection of, you know, just if you need to envision like a dumpster fire speaking to you through this microphone, go ahead, because it's not that far from the truth, like, but I'm a dumpster phoenix.

Um, everything is insane, and I know that we're all going through it, and I just want to let you know if you need community, if you want to feel less alone, if you want to hang out with me, you don't even ever have to say a word to me.

If you just want to have me on the screen in order to, like, move through your day, you don't have to interact, you don't have to engage with chat. On Twitch, they're affectionately [00:42:00] called lurkers. You can lurk. It's not creepy, we love you. Lurkers are the backbone of Twitch. And if you're new to Twitch, and like, it seems big and scary, it's okay.

Every, everybody was new to Twitch once, so it's, it's alright. And the degree that you engage is entirely up to you, but if a cozy atmosphere, and just being able to hang out with me, would help you literally move through the day and stay on this planet. I just want to let you know I'm there. Okay. And that that's where you can find me.  

 I also want to let you know that if this is even bigger and scarier because you didn't see this coming and you haven't been engaged with this kind of work and this feels even more overwhelming because it's left field for you, and you don't know where to turn and you're hearing the words like, "we have [00:43:00] to fight fascism" and you're going, "I don't know how to fight fascism".

Number one, of course you don't. They didn't teach you. They don't want you to fight. You know, no, no system of power gives you the tools that you need in order to resist it. You have to find that elsewhere, and if you don't know where to look, if you don't know where to start, that's okay, and one way that you can start is, again, gonna sound really silly, but try following me on social media, because your algorithm might not point you towards these people, but mine definitely puts me in touch with a lot of people who are talking about this stuff, who are educating about this stuff.

And so, I share those things all the time. My Instagram stories will direct you towards educators and liberatory workers, people, artists, people who are creating art, people who are creating events. Um, You [00:44:00] know, people who are publishing. Just, if you want resources, join my Discord. There's a whole channel in there that I'm starting to build, which is, you know, making sure that some of this liberatory stuff is saved in case social media gets disrupted again, and it will help you build a list of people so that you know who's talking about this, and where to turn, where to educate yourself.

It helps. I'm also going to link in episode notes a free zine for a Beginner's Guide to Resisting Fascism. And this is really super accessible, like, first steps. And you're going to find a lot of it might surprise you because a lot of it has to do with you as a person and in your immediate community, and it can feel counterintuitive, but mutual aid and on the ground [00:45:00] community work is really where you can make the biggest difference.

And the thing to remember is that this is something that we do together. It's really easy to get overwhelmed when you see the the big picture stuff, because it feels too big. It feels like, a boss fight that there's, just super rigged. Like, there's no way you could possibly do this.

And by yourself? No. Like, together? Absolutely. And it's happened before, we'll do it again. 

And again, I know that we're super programmed to think being political is, this unattractive or yucky thing or this divisive thing. But the kind of political,

that I want to encourage you to be is the kind of political

that reinforces your humanity and the humanity of the people around you, and especially the humanity of people that you [00:46:00] can't see or that are hidden from your eyes.

I want to encourage you to engage with the kind of politics that reinforces the humanity of people who live lives that are very different from yours.

I want to encourage you to be the kind of political that believes that you deserve a future and that seven generations from now that those people deserve a future

Hope is an act of resistance Self care is an act of resistance. Joy is Resistance All of these things are revolutionary Nothing is too small. You being on the planet is revolutionary.

And I want to encourage you to just not stop there, but to let yourself glow.

To be a light in this world.

Because you [00:47:00] are. That's the truth of your being.

And to claim that and choose to shine in dark times  

that's what it's about, that's what it's about.

If you got out of bed today, I'm proud of you. If you stayed in bed today, I'm proud of you.

If you're listening to this from a blanket burrito on the floor I'm proud of you. Because you're breathing. I love that for you. Because I know it's hard. Um,

I know it's hard.

And if you're showing up in your community, I'm proud of you. If you're talking to your neighbors, I'm proud of you. If you're learning about new ideas, new concepts, if you're educating yourself, I'm proud of you.

 If you're engaging with mutual aid and class solidarity, I'm proud of [00:48:00] you.

If you're out there punching Nazis, I'm proud of you.  

If you're protesting, I'm proud of you.

If you're engaging with acts of resistance that I can't mention on air, I'm proud of you.

Whatever level you are able to show up, I'm proud of you.

You are so needed, and you are so wonderful, and I'm so glad that you're here.

And if you're Queer, if you're trans, if you're non binary, if you're intersex, if you're gender non conforming, I see you. I see you. You exist. You matter. I love you. And I will fight for you.

And those are some things that I wanted to hear that I didn't get to hear. So I want you to hear [00:49:00] them from me. Okay?  

I do need to take a moment to talk about Palestine. For over a year now, we've been witnessing a genocide livestreamed. And the magnitude of suffering is inexpressible. And the depth and depravity of the atrocities taking place scar the soul. When there is a genocide, and there are several taking place right now, I believe we are all called as humans to respond by whatever means are within our grasp. I've been doing what I can and I am currently in the middle of a fundraiser on Twitch. My goal is to raise $1,000 for the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, and we've raised $400 so far.

And if you'd like to help out with that goal, you can find the link to the fundraiser in episode notes or in my linktree. No donation is too small and everything counts. The PCRF [00:50:00] does critical work providing food, water, medical supplies, and emergency medical care to the children of Palestine.

The situation remains critical, and now that we have a window for aid trucks being allowed back through the blockade, this is a perfect moment to get as much aid to the Palestinian people as possible. I'll be hosting a special doodle stream on Twitch. And that is a live stream where I will be doodling.

It's taking place February 21st from 7:30 to 10:30 p.m. Eastern Time. Donations during the event allow you to give me prompts for special doodles. Everything will be drawn by me, badly. Donations will also unlock special rewards and milestones. So, for example, when we reach $500, I will teach everyone how to do the crow call that I use to call my crows from miles away.

Also previously unlocked [00:51:00] is a horror game stream where I will be playing a scary game with a harmonica in my mouth. Check out the fundraiser to learn more about what's in store, and know that the nonsense is for a very good cause.

We all have to do what we can. And I've done my fair share of screaming, and crying, and staring blankly at the ceiling, curled up in fetal position overwhelmed by the horror. But as much as that was necessary for my own processing, it wasn't helping the Palestinian people.

So I've been donating, bearing witness, sharing education and resources, having hard conversations, contacting my representatives, fundraising, and doing my best to amplify Palestinian voices.

Knowing yourself and your limits is extremely important. And that does take a lot of time and trial and error to learn. And [00:52:00] no one should push themselves into a mental health crisis by overextending or triggering themselves. I want to be very clear about that. You can't help anyone if you're drowning, and no one should expect you to.

Navigating a mental health crisis while witnessing a live streamed genocide, my government was funding and trying to figure out what the fuck it meant to do that in a "healthy" way was one of the biggest challenges I've ever faced when it comes to self regulation and balance.

And just to be clear, that doesn't compare in any way to the trauma and the challenges the Palestinian people have been facing while trying to survive a genocide. I'm not trying to center myself, but I'm very aware that most people listening to this probably have PTSD. And I want to address the issue of engaging with distressing current events while navigating mental health conditions.

Ultimately. There is no way to [00:53:00] witness ethnic cleansing and be completely okay. If you're witnessing atrocities and you're unshaken, I have bad news you're probably a sociopath. You're meant to be shaken by certain things. It means you have a soul. It means you have empathy and compassion for your fellow sentient beings.

If you have to turn away because you're in crisis, I understand and I completely support that. If looking means you'll have trouble staying on the planet, then don't look. There were weeks where I had to look away from the screen in order to make sure I was able to remain functional and on the planet.

Because I knew if I kept looking, I wouldn't be able to help. At a certain point in my life, I had to accept that I am neurodivergent and I am traumatized. [00:54:00] And that if I was going to help anyone or show up for a cause, I was going to have to do it neurodivergent and traumatized. I had to find the balance that allowed me to show up for important social causes in accessible ways that didn't push me into crisis.

Because I want to be there for those who are already in crisis.

There was something said during the last year that really hit home and it was that if you have ever wondered what you would have done during slavery, the holocaust, or the civil rights movement, you don't have to wonder anymore because it's what you're doing right now.  

And this is relevant not just because the USA has been actively funding this genocide, but it's also relevant because of the rise of fascism.

 We like to believe that we'd have spoken out. Or stood up for what was right. And maybe that's true for [00:55:00] you. The sad truth is that most people are complacent and submit to authority

even when that authority is acting against humanity.

Inaction is an action. 

This is something many of us have experienced firsthand in our personal traumas. There are the perpetrators, and then there are even more enablers and bystanders who do nothing. I've been just as traumatized in my own life by the enablers and bystanders as I have been by my abusers and attackers. I hate the harmful myth that those who have experienced abuse, especially child abuse, are predisposed to become abusers themselves.

It's not true. A really basic goal in life is to do more good than harm. And if we zoom out And we look at those [00:56:00] intersecting systems we're a part of, it can be really upsetting to realize that we're unknowingly participating in the oppression of others or benefiting from their suffering. I don't want to be an enabler.

I don't want to be complacent. I don't want to be complicit. I don't want to just let this happen because it's easier. The horrors persist, but so do I, and I hope you will too. 

 There are ways you can show up or contribute, and they might not be the same as the way others are contributing, and that's okay. I'd like to share a very strange and unsettling metaphor with you. You've been warned, and I came across it on TikTok, and I'm so sorry, but I cannot remember the name of the creator, and I can't find it, because when I tried to search for it, everything was very upsetting.

So, stick with me for the [00:57:00] metaphor. I promise it's helpful, and it might change your life. Imagine, if you will, there's a river. And there's a huge problem with this river. It's full of babies. There's a bunch of babies that keep ending up in the river. And they're swept away over a waterfall. This is obviously horrific and everyone is going to do what they can to stop it.

Some people are going to be right there at the shoreline. They'll be picking the babies out of the river and swimming out to save them. And these people are often the most visible. But there will be other people helping in other ways. There will be people who say, well, we really need to go upstream to figure out what is going on.

We need to figure out how these babies keep ending up in the river, and we need to put a stop to it. And some other folks will be at the waterfall, trying to construct a net, perhaps, to catch the babies before they fall. Other people might be spreading awareness, talking about the issue, getting the [00:58:00] authorities, or seeking out more volunteers with the skills needed to figure out and solve this problem.

Because it's a huge problem and more hands are needed on deck. People need to be mobilized. Some people might be providing medical attention on the shores or down at the base of the waterfall. And some might be doing the painful work of caring for the dead. But the thing to remember is that all of these people are important.

And all of them are helping to solve the problem. They're all needed. So often, when there's a big and horrifying problem, we all value some forms of helping over others. In the river metaphor, the people on the front lines are the people who are wading into the water to save the babies. They're the most visible, and it's the first thing we would all think of or want to do if we faced the issue.

Not everyone can be on the front lines, and that's [00:59:00] okay. But help takes many forms, and it's all valuable and essential.

We all have to use our strengths, gifts, resources, and abilities, and remember that these are unique and different from one person to another. Some people may be more qualified to be building the net at the waterfall, and others may be strong swimmers, or good with investigation and problem solving, and better able to figure out what the heck is going on upstream. We often waste a lot of energy feeling worthless and standing on the sidelines because all we're focused on is that we can't swim.  

If you can't swim, that's okay. What can you do? Asking this question has helped me so much, and I hope that it helps you too.

This metaphor was something I heard a few months into the genocide, and it honestly applies to a great deal. Especially [01:00:00] for disabled folks. I know a lot of us often feel frustrated that we might not be able to attend in person protests or engage in the kind of activism that we might want to.

And I just want you to remember that there's other ways you can help and that they matter. This applies to the rise of fascism, too. You have gifts, and you can help. Put your own oxygen mask on first. Yes. Then assist the person next to you. 

Just remember that you're not powerless and I hope you check out the free zine on fighting fascism in episode notes for some ideas. Remember that we're not starting from scratch on this, and that even if you're just becoming aware of a problem or getting involved for the first time, part of the reason it might seem so overwhelming could be because you're not aware of, or connected with the many people who have been working on it for a long time.[01:01:00]

And those folks who have been doing that work and focusing on that issue are right there waiting for you. And you can learn a lot from the educational resources they recommend or make available. And you can learn where your help is most needed by listening to them. I don't even consider myself one of those people.

But I do consider myself privileged to know some incredible folks who are far more educated than I am. And I also follow some folks who are doing incredible work and who are deep into this. So what I can do is point you towards some amazing people and resources. And I also want to take this opportunity to remind folks that we are now in a time that we can't all be talking openly about the things we might be doing to help.

And a great resource I'd like to make you aware of is an app called Signal. And this is a more secure messaging app with end to end [01:02:00] encryption. It's free, and I highly recommend everyone get that immediately. And I have confirmed that it does work internationally. It does have the option to set a username so that your phone number is only visible if the person you're messaging already has you in their contact list.

This is a safer and more secure way to communicate with your friends and your comrades.

There is so much I want to say, and I think it's partially because it's been so long since I've made an episode. So much has happened, and so much continues to happen. Writing and recording this has been such a trip, and I took multiple cry breaks yesterday while working on it. This is a reminder that crying is healthy and super good for you, so take as many cry breaks as you need

to get through the day. It's okay. I feel [01:03:00] this urge to make this episode perfect, and it won't be. It's a mess. And I can't fix fascism with a fucking podcast update, but hopefully I can help you feel less alone so we can all face this together. We're here for such a short time. We might as well be brave.

And kind. Kindness is punk as fuck. If you're new here, no, episodes are not usually like this and I hope you'll check out the past five seasons available. This upcoming season, I've got some wonderful interviews with fellow survivors that I'm very excited to share with you. And I'll be tackling some sensitive issues related to trauma healing in some solo episodes as well.

I believe that healing is a revolutionary act because, remember, it's all connected. [01:04:00] Heal yourself, heal each other, heal the world. 

My liberation is bound up in yours.

Thank you so much for listening. Please check episode notes. There you'll find links to help you learn more about some of the subjects we touched on in this episode. I want to remind everyone that with the disruption and changes we've been seeing with social media platforms, this is a good time to make sure you're following creators, organizations, educators, artists, and activists on other platforms.

In case they are forced to move elsewhere. And so you can have access to anything they might be producing that's being censored by social media. A lot of people have link trees or links in their bios. And I want you to be sure you check those.

We need to stick together and stay connected.

I especially encourage you to support your favorite creators on platforms like Patreon and Substack. If you didn't know, it's [01:05:00] free to follow someone on Patreon if you can't afford a subscription.

[01:05:04] Hecate: Episode notes are also where you can find all my links so that you can check out my website, follow me on social media. I'm also on Blue Sky and Red Note now. You can also subscribe on YouTube and catch me live on Twitch.

A massive shout out to all the patrons that made today's episode possible.

Thank you. Emerald, Meadow, Urja, Kathleen, Sedonka, Bryony, and Nyzechu. You all mean so much to me, and none of this would be possible without you. Your continued support during my mental health break has been so meaningful, and encourages me to keep going and working towards a healthy return to podcast work.

I am filled with endless and inexpressible gratitude. Your faith and support has honestly been life [01:06:00] changing for me, and kept me going through an incredibly difficult time. Thank you.

Today's episode was edited and produced by me, Hecate. The music is Your Heart is a Muscle, the Size of Your Fist, used with the permission of Ramshackle Glory. Thank you again for listening. This has been Finding OK. Destroy the kyriarchy. And keep working towards collective liberation. Take care of yourself, and take care of each other.  

[01:06:34] Ramshackle Glory: Your heart is a muscle, the size of your fist. Keep on lovin keep on fightin and hold on, and hold on. Hold on for your life, for your life, for your life. Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist Keep on lovin keep on fightin and hold on, and hold on. Hold on for your life. [01:07:00]